i’ve decided to stop drinking for a month. it’s not the first time that i’ve done this. but that doesn’t make it seem any less insurmountable. the last time i quit drinking was to impress a woman. the last two times, actually.
last night was the first time i went to bed sober in months. i still felt like shit today. i actually felt worst than if i had spent the night drinking. my body doesn’t know how to make sense of sobriety.
it’s how i sleep. it’s how i socialize. it’s how i function.
i get bored when i’m sober. i just sit in my room not knowing what to do with my time. without alcohol i lose my desire to talk to people. with alcohol i lose my desire to be awake.
i started drinking late when compared to my peers. i was 19 when i had my first beer. i had tried alcohol before, but never enough to get drunk. which is strange because i remember sneaking shots of vodka when i was 16.
the beer was a tip from a customer i delivered a pizza to. he was an incredibly intoxicated man that asked me if i wanted to have sex with his wife. i politely declined while stealing a look at her.
the beer was a regular leinenkugel. and i was almost scared of it. i hid it in my trunk until i got home. i’m not even sure i told my boss i had it.
my body is incapable of throwing up. and having no baseline for how drunk a beer would make me, i drank it slowly over the course of an hour. i guess i forgot about my vodka days.
i didn’t have my next beer for a few months. i knew that i could ask a friend to buy some, but it just never occurred to me. the first time i got drunk was with my friend james in his basement. his parents would let us drink their beer even though we were underage.
after that night i started going to james’ house every weekend. it wasn’t long before they cut me off.