i’ve been having somewhat of a mid-life crisis lately. not sure what it is, but i’m getting bored of my usual creative outlets. for the last ten years i’ve been primarily known as an anime podcaster. but it’s just not doing it for me anymore.
it’s not that i stopped watching anime. if anything my regular consumption is higher than usual. i’m watching two shows week-to-week, while occasionally binging a 13-episode series on the weekend. i’m just getting tired of being associated with the community.
after the announcement of the crunchyroll original, high guardian spice, my twitter timeline exploded with negative energy. i’m not interested in watching the show, myself, but seeing a fandom that i’ve considered myself apart of throwing a tantrum for several weeks in a row is exhausting.
i don’t even care what side you’re on anymore. you’re all nuts. and you’re all ruining everything. no one does any research anymore. no one uses logic when they argue. people take things too literally. but only when it’s convenient. i just want out.
but i still want to create. something. i don’t know. simply consuming media doesn’t satisfy me. i spend all my time making other people’s art a reality. i want something of my own. even if it’s just a dumb blog where i’m spewing nonsense.
i’ve been thinking about what i could replace anime podcasting with. making videos is alluring, but it’s not a skill set i have, nor wish to attain. that is to say, i don’t wish to put in the work to attain those skills.
i’m also not sure what i could create that hasn’t already been done better. most of the videos i watch likely required countless hours of research. not to mention the time editing. no thanks.
writing an original story was also something that i considered. but it’s not something i’m mentally ready to commit to. i don’t have an ideas readily available, and i don’t want to spend a day brainstorming for something i’ll inevitably give up on in a month. maybe not the most positive approach, but it’s realistic.
for as long as i’ve been podcasting, i’ve been known for changing formats without notice. i’ll start and stop shows and start them again without provocation. it’s different for every show so it’s not worth explaining. not now, at least.
anyway, what i think i’m going to try doing is writing a few hundred words each day. five days a week. more if i feel like it. and at the end of the week i’ll make a recording of each blog entry. that way i can satisfy my writing and my recording brain.
how long will this go on? i can’t say. will it even happen once? maybe not. i just don’t want to stop podcasting, but i don’t want to keep doing what i’m doing. i also want to make weird podcasts that only i will like. like when i did nightmare boat. no listened to those but me, but they were really fun to work on.
uh. i don’t have anything else to say. and my laundry is almost done. fuck.